Sunday, December 28, 2008

Can someone please explain this to me?

Let me preface this by saying I completely support fathers rights. To a point. Case in point: My ex only wants the kids because they're "his". Whenever he has them, he takes them to his incredibly dirty and cluttered house and he completely ignores them. He rarely actually interacts with them and never holds them or shows them any love. So of course they don't want to go. And I have to force them. Then I get phone calls like I got tonight with them crying, begging me to come home. And I have to say no? And expect them to say for an entire week.

I don't know what to do, my ex won't send them home early, and them getting upset just makes him angry, which makes them more upset, and so on.

Anyone have any ideas?

6 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

The only suggestion I can make is to try and give them some skills to help pass the time while they are at their fathers. Sending them with good toys and plenty of books and encouraging to use that time to read and work on things they are interested is about the best that you can do I think.

Tracie said...

That's tough! I'm sorry they/you are upset and that once again he's such a jerk! Books or maybe you could send some sort of a craft project they could work on while they are there - something to spend the time, but wouldn't be a big deal if they forgot to bring home. ?? sorry, i'm not a lot of help

Shupe said...

I used to be that child-

Not a whole lot can be offered to help you on this. You know him best- you know what feeds his anger and his ego. I think to talk with him- and let him know that the girls need a bit more one on one attention than he seems to be giving- suggest some idea's of things they could do together-

But with them young- they have to go-

Good luck- I'm very lucky even though mine is a nimrod- the children and he get along great.

Kelly said...

I've gone through this for seven years now. My son hates to go and begs to stay with me and I have to force him out the door while he cries. The only thing that gets him through is thinking that at 13 he can talk to a judge about making his own decisions. The only advice I can give you is what the others have said...give them toys to pass the time and see if that makes it better. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I know it sucks, believe me.

Jeankfl said...

I'm so sorry they have to go through this. Where is the new wife? Is she around? Is she friendly? Maybe she could help him not want them as much.. The only other thing is the girls telling him they have plans and can't come sometimes.. but he probably won't take that well.. I don't know.. there should be something kids can do, but the court feels that the custodial parent makes the kids feel that way, and MORE time with the noncustodial parent is the answer!!! Stupid people.. if he doesn't enjoy them and they don't want to go, they shouldn't have to. My bro is in the opposite problem. He'd LOVE to have her, but her mom convinces her she doesn't like him, so she won't go much. He lets her do as she wants.. when she spends more time with him, she likes him.. but his ex brainwashes her. So, I see both sides. Just encourage them to use their time well, and try to be helpful to him. and pray they hit 13 soon!!
hugs,
Jean

Mary Moore said...

Sorry to hear what you're going through. It must be very tough.