Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why can't you divorce your inlaws when you divorce your spouse?

Most everyone knows the circumstances of my divorce. I don’t really like talking about it, but I don’t hide it either. Anyway, when I first got engaged to my now ex, he used to tell these crazy stories about his mom. Drunken, violent stories (yes I know, the nut didn’t fall far from the tree). I didn’t really believe him, because the woman I saw drank too much, but was as nice as can be. But not long after we got married, she would call us, over and over, calling my ex names and ranting and raving. Sometimes she would call as many as 20 times in a night. Then nothing for weeks. It was crazy and always directed at her son.

Then we got divorced and I had no contact with her for some time. The girls would see her occasionally when they visited with their father, but that was it. But after he got remarried, she started calling me, asking to see the girls, saying she didn’t want anything to do with her son (a feeling I share). OK. I wanted them to be able to see her. So she came over around the holidays to see the girls. Then she wanted them (just them) to go out with her. No. And they didn’t want to. Turns out my ex will no longer have anything to do with her.

Around this time, the crazy phone calls started up again, only this time they were directed at me. About what an awful person I am, how she knows I’m crazy (Me?), etc, etc. So I talked with the girls and it turns out they don’t want to see her. They were doing it for ME.

Well, that makes the decision easy. The next round of calls, I tell her she can’t see the girls anymore. Period. And she goes off the deep end. And calls. And calls. And calls. She starts leaving messages on the answering machine that a vaguely threatening, extremely profane. Now, anyone who has children knows, the first thing the kids do when they get home is run over and push the answering machine. And they would hear this. I finally tell her if she doesn’t stop calling, I will call the police and have her arrested. And the calls stop. For months. Then around holidays she would call a few times, leave nasty messages and then poof! Stop.

Until recently. Around Easter she started calling. She stopped few a few days, then started back up. Only this time it’s different. Last night she started threatening me directly. Fortunately, the girls were not home. On my way to pick them up, I called the police to inquire as to my options. They offered to send over an officer. I then called my ex for his opinion. He said to do whatever I felt was necessary (wow).

When the officer arrived, I sent the girls out to play and explained the situation to him. I played the two messages I still had on the answering machine and he stood there shaking his head and smiling. As the second message plays, it gets interrupted by a new call. From her. The officer instructs me not to pick it up. And she starts her ranting and raving. And this time it’s even worse. Then she calls again. And again. By this time the officer is no longer smiling. He says that ordinarily he would pick up the phone and talk to her, but she’s so drunk he thinks it would just make things worse, and because she drinks all the time, it wouldn’t do any good to call her and warn her off. He writes down all the times from my caller ID, takes some notes about what she said, then looks at me and says there are two ways to go. 1) I can change my phone number and keep it unlisted, which seems very unfair to me, because of all the people I would have to remember to call with my new number, or 2) he can issue a warrant for her arrest and she would have to be processed, post bond, etc. I don’t want to do that either. So I tell him I will think about it and let him know. He leaves and I call my ex again, because frankly, whatever I do will directly affect him, as his mom will then re-direct her anger at him. And believe it or not, I wouldn’t wish that even on him. By the end of the conversation, I have decided to ask the officer to call her either at work or at home as soon as she gets off work to give her a verbal warning and if she persists after that, I will proceed with the warrant. So that’s what he’s going to do. The only problem is he’s in training today and isn’t sure if he can get to a phone and then he’s off until Monday. But, I’ve been dealing with this for so long, what’s a few more days?


Tracie said...

How horrible!! I guess what's few more days, but can't another officer that is on duty handle it?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

That's just awful. As Tracie said, can't someone else deal with the warning at least, and right away, instead of waiting? That's not something anyone should have to deal with for even a split second. Take care.