I haven't written much and I really think I need to. It seems to be a really healthy outlet for me and I gets lots of much needed support and really good advice. But finding the time, finding the time.
The all girl household has become quite challenging. We are all entering new phases of our lives, and tolerating each other has been difficult to say the least. The new job is great and scary at the same time. I finally don't feel like I'm going to be fired every single day.
E was diagnosed with ADHD last year. We decided to hold off on meds, to try some therapy and behavior modifications first. My mother, who does not believe that ADHD is a real diagnosis, only said, Do Not Put Her On Drugs! (thanks for the support Mom. Of course, she believes that just about any behavior problem can be beaten out of a child). So we tried no meds. And then I had a child who was frustrated and crying constantly because her grades were spiraling downward. She would pull up one grade, then others would fall, and on and on. So, enough. It took 4 months to get into the doctor for the initial visit, by which point E was a complete mess. So first we have to get her anxiety under control. And toss all of this on top of the middle school hormonal hell she's already in. And to top it off? During the exam the doctor looks at me and says,"what took you so long to get her help?" Which is nice, cause I don't feel bad enough already.
But, if that isn't enough, E got into a fight with her best friend. I really don't know much about the fight other than that she told her friend she was sad and needed to talk and her friend said something about not wanting to talk to her about anything sad. Which E took to mean that her friend didn't care. And stupid fight ensued.
So, I come home from work to this mess, with E saying she didn't want to be friends with her anymore, that she had said some unforgivable things (which she won't tell me) and that she has written her friend a letter saying so. I ask her if she will let me see the letter and she reads it to me. And it's over the top, full of emotional comments like how her friend ruined her life, she's just like everyone else, cutting her down, and btw, she doesn't like what's his name anymore because she realized she isn't good enough for him.
I tell her that I don't think it's a good idea for her to give her friend the letter, that she will regret it. But I don't expressly forbid her to, because I want her to make the decision. Well, apparently she then writes an additional letter, and GIVES THEM BOTH TO HER!
My first knowledge of this is when I come out of a meeting and my cubicle neighbors say, boy, your phones were blowing up while you were gone. I look at my cell. 5 missed calls and one message. I have a message on my work phone. And it starts ringing. It's E, crying hysterically. I calm her down, tell her I'm about to leave anyway. Then I listen to my voicemail on my cell. It's the friend's mom. Now, this woman doesn't like me, and I don't like her, for reasons that would fill another post. But she leaves this message saying that they apparently were having a fight, that E had written two letters that were deeply disturbing and she thinks for right now E shouldn't call or text her daughter. Which I completely and totally agree with.
So I call E and tell her this and tell her we will talk when I get home. Meanwhile she is chatting with another friend on Skype when the girl jumps into the chat. So E says, I have to go. And the girl says, please don't be mad at me, etc. and E says, your mom called and asked me not to call or text you and my mom wants me to not talk to you for awhile, so I have to go.
That's when I got home. And we had to leave right away for the doctor. After the doctor, I drop E off at Youth Group, come home and I have a message. This time it's from the friend's dad, who is a pediatrician. So we'll call him Dr Dad. Well, Dr Dad leaves this message asking me to call him regarding these deeply disturbing letters. So I do. And he says, well, I'm just really concerned about her and want to make sure she is in some sort of treatment. Now, I know my daughter. Those letters were mostly manipulative. She was trying to elicit a sympathetic response. And yes, she was devastated. But this is not the response he is looking for. So I tell him she has just started some ADHD meds and they are messing with her emotions (which I WAS told could be a side effect). I also tell him I think time apart might be a good thing for them. And he agrees.
I talk to Emma about it, she dissolves into hysterics because now her friend's parents hate her (dramatic much?). Finally get her calmed down and into bed about 11.
Then I picked up Jenny McCarthy's new book and laughed for about an hour. God I needed it.