Monday, March 8, 2010

Where to start..

I took a step back for awhile (obviously) and discovered it's really hard to come back.

I've recently run into a situation that I don't know how to handle. My kids used to go to a woman's house before school because I start work fairly early in the day. We'll just call her M. M's kids were friends of my kids, one is the same age as Shannon (A) and the other is one year older than Emma (C). Shannon and A are in the same class, and when Shannon did better than A on something, A would get really upset, and when she would do better than Shannon, she took great pleasure in rubbing Shannon's face in it. And when Shannon had some sort of major accomplishment, the mom, M, would call me with some behavioral issue with Shannon. But stupidly, I just blew it off.

Then, Shannon had an article chosen and published in the local paper. And the next day, M sent me a series of text messages (13) that upset me beyond words. They talked about how there were these rumors circulating about Shannon that I'm not going to go into, but then she went on to say that S (with another girl) had insulted and demeaned her daughter C until she cried. Now, I don't want to sound like one of those parents that is clueless about their kid, but there is no way Shannon would do that. None at all. Then she starts saying that Emma is afraid of Shannon. Also not true. So I'm receiving these texts over and over and getting more and more upset and I kept texting her back, please call me. And I'm at work. She replies that she is in the doctor's waiting room and she can't talk and in fact is being called into the exam room. And she says she will call me after.

Awhile later I get this text saying she's home, but she doesn't feel well and won't be available when I get off work. Convenient.

So, I talked to the girls and mulled over what I was going to do over the weekend (Monday was a holiday). I decided to text her in return, mostely because I was so unbelievably angry at her I didn't think actually talking to her was a good idea. So I texted her and said I was very upset over the way she chose to handle it and as such, the girls would no longer be coming to her house in the morning. And thanked her for her help in the past. And that was it. Then she made the mistake of calling me. She claimed that other mothers knew about the rumors, but chose to not be involved. When I pointed out that I had made several phone calls and no one I had talked to had heard these rumors, she said it was because they didn't want to get involved and she was doing me a favor. I then told her I had talked to a number of people that were there when Shannon supposedly demeaned her younger daughter and no one knew anything about that, she said it was because no one was paying attention.

So I told her off and called the school and talked to the principal. And that was it. Or so I thought. There was a fundraiser/performance for the school that alot of the kids are involved in, including mine and A and C. So M was there, I was there, but I stayed as far away from her as possible. But I wasn't going to let her ruin my time or the girls.

Then, a few days later I get a phone call from the police. Yep. And they want to meet with me. So I go. Apparently M went to the police department and told them that I was harrassing her (even thought I had not spoken with her for more than 2 weeks), is bullying her daughter by following her around the playground. And here's the real kicker - supposedly at the fundraiser I blocked her daughter from going up the stairs. Hundreds of people standing around, I have to help my kids change clothes several times, and I take the time to block a small child from going up a 5 foot wide staircase. Really?

So the officer advises me that I need to contact the school and inform them of the bullying allegations for Shannon's protection. I did so, which was beyond awkward, and now Shannon is living in a fishbowl at school. And every day I walk around feeling like I'm going to throw up because I feel so awful for her and honestly, I'm a little afraid for her. I should also point out, that I am not delusional, I have talked to teachers that know her and many other adults, and none of them can believe it.

And Shannon's reaction? While she's upset, she says she feels sorry for them, that it is so sad that they are so unhappy they have to hurt others to make them feel more important. And she's 11.

I really hate that my child is more evolved than me.


Tracie said...

I feel for you. We've been through several situations similar to this. I think you are doing the right thing in avoiding this woman and i'm so sorry Shannon has to go through this. It's a unfortunate situation that can in the long run only make Shannon a stronger person. My comfort in dealing with things like this is that I know my daughter, God knows my daughter and thats all the really counts and those that want to judge my daughter obviously don't know her and that is their loss. Be proud of yourself, you have dealt with so much drama over the past how many years and that you deal with maturity and open eyes. (HUGS) to you~

L e e said...

Even at my age I have to admit that I don't understand the reasoning of some women. I do know it's a lot harder to raise girls than it is boys. But, I'd have to say that the other lady appears to be waaaay out of line and vindictive. I think I'd avoid her too.

So glad to see you posting again. I knew if I didn't get started back soon, I never would.

Stacy said...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will keep your situation in my prayers. Let us know how it goes and how we can pray for you.

Laoch of Chicago said...

I think that dealing with people who are mentally ill is a no win situation. Your two choices are to escalate and file a civil action against her, or to never have contact with her again and keep your head down and hope she moves on to others. Personally I would keep my head down.